I came across a snarky website, meetyourindianreplacement.com, that I found very amusing. I think it is a positive step to see the typical slumdog mocked and ridiculed rampantly across America. Unlike NBC's "Outsourced", this is funny shit.
It has some real gems, and really captures the delusional hubris of our enemy, the IOR (Indian Outsourcing Regime):
"...Clients tend to underestimate the productivity engine driven by employee sweat and fear knowing their jobs could be sent offshore next..."
"Need to remind a particularly stinky coworker to bathe more frequently? We will confront him for you.
Our clients report that this raises morale and reduces physical confrontation...."
"...our associates are eager to assist you with your IT projects. They fear the whip, and are therefore polite and never idle. You will find that they are well qualified and graciously accept your abuse for a ridiculously low hourly rate."
"Unlike undisciplined North American coders, our highly-qualified professionals will take on your complex software projects without whining about salary, working conditions or holiday breaks. Our aim is to become your low cost provider. Give us a try and let us prove our worth. For the cost of feeding a hungry child in India, you can have 24x7 support for your UNIX and Windows servers.
You'll save thousands on air conditioning alone!"
"Another bit of advice: don't feel locked into your career path. Take this opportunity for self examination. Remember what your mother told you, "You can be anything from a rodeo clown to a drunken mall Santa." If you have no dignity, you might even volunteer to assist with the outsourcing effort. This is an excellent way to escape your department before the axe falls. Just tell yourself you're a business person, not just an expendable asset, and go for it."
"The chief rival of the North American Techie has proven to be the Lesser Indian Dotted Netter—which some consider a pest species. The Netter continues to displace the Techie because of its lower resource requirements, startling high birthrate, and its tendency to thrive in overcrowded urban conditions. To make matters worse, shrinking cubicles throughout the Techie home range is causing populations to dwindle further."
Even a word about collaborators!
Seize the opportunity
"But this takes a special kind of spineless opportunist. Think you are up to it? The first step is to convince your leaders that bringing offshore replacement workers up to speed will take considerable effort, and you are happy to be in charge of "knowledge transfer." This will buy you a little time, and you might even be awarded an impressive title like, "project leader" or "offshore liaison." Tell yourself that this doesn't sound technical, so you are safe now. You may alienate your co-workers, but hey, it's a business decision, right? In the coming weeks, try to reassure yourself that you're a good person as your coworkers are marched out the door one by one. Maybe you can hold the door for them, or help carry boxes out to their cars. Those remaining will probably view you with suspicion and consider you a turncoat, and your status will degrade to slightly higher than a Nazi prison guard. But focus on the bottom line: you saved your job for another few months. "
Remember: aim for the red dot...